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B Team Playoff Hype

After the excitement of A Team playoffs, it would make sense to take a night off, relax, and watch B Team bois have some good old fashioned fun, right?
Right?
B Teamers are savages. B Teamers are created when the primordial sludge of popped Majors, Minors, and A Teamers are drained off and the combined fluids coagulate into balls in the incestual birthing pit. Like Uruk Hai, they’re snatched from the womb ready to chat shit and get hit. Their techniques are unrefined but the sheer tenacity of these little ankle biters is enough to strike fear in the hearts of the most senior Tagpro players. Flags have been capped, powerups have been fought over, and these teams have weathered the regular season only to head straight into the hurricane known as that bitch Irma who delayed the season a week, but also known... as playoffs.
MATCH #1
CLOCKS N BLOCKS VS C.R.E.A.M.
“Familiar With Respawn” z0mbie, “Worse Deity” I Am Zeus, “Currently Embalmed” ping tut, “Plays O Cause He Got” no defense, “Has No Areola” legit nipple, “Eats Out Little Boys” Shere Khan, “Straight Outta Neverland” Peter Pan, and “No Chance In Hell” Snowball
VS
“Gushing Granny” Dew1234, “Founder Of The JJJ” Jeremy Jamm, “Absolute Zero” kelvin, “These Dudes All Sound Like Elements On The Periodic Table” Markam, Klovar, Trituin, and Halve
C’mon. It’s fucking cocks and cum. Can the CRC please investigate markam and horse for rigging because they must have planned this out. Y’know what, fuck it, neither of you win.
CNB and CRM are both disqualified for rigging and Needful Pings not only get in but are rewarded with a bye for having a little class.
MATCH #2
TC JUKES VS FUNKETOWN (I’M NOT BOTHERING WITH THOSE DOTS)
“I’ma Let You Finish, But NEU Had One Of The Best Offending Seasons Of All Time” T-Swift!, “Actually An Okay Guy” degenerate, “Sets Off Allergies” PoppyBall, “2nd Most Adorable Tagpro Name” snuggles, “Chieftess” Tonto, “Not The Subway Guy” Jarek, and “Why Are You On D If Your Name Is” MrStealYoFlag
VS
“Is This A Rapper? I Don’t Really Know A Lot About Rap” ill Fayze, “Not A Horse” Twilight, “Achieved The Rank Of Count” Monte Cristo, “GOAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLL” Victor Messi, “Has” Fitz. “When He Loses, “Short Order” Cook, and “Lucky” LarryLuciano
Funketown is still a shit name. FNK isn’t really funky or, uh, funke, so TCJ jukes them out and wins I guess.
TCJ wins in six because wolfcola is bad at choosing names.
MATCH #3
BALL OR NOTHING VS PI-CURIOUS
“Nihilistic” Nilus, “Types ‘Du Hast’ In Every Game” RAMMSTEIN, “Boss, What Took You So Long” -Kaz-, “Are You Tough Enough To Snuff The” SluffandRuff, “Number Of The Slightly Lesser Known Beast” 777z, “Squeaky” Keekly (My personal favorite), “Despicably” Devious, and “Younger Brother Of clew And clew2” clew3
VS
“Uses Visa” MasterCard78, “HOLY SHIT IT’S” sodaboy2020, “Has No Manners” nanner, “Robb Stark” TheYoungWolf, “High In Celsius, Even Higher In Fahrenheit” hot diCe, “Sounds Like Gum” WRIG, and “Doesn’t Describe His Play” Elegant
Once again, Ajax didn’t take how hard it would be for me to make a joke about the team name into account when he created BoN, so I turn my attention to Pi-Curious. If BoN can throw pies on the map to distract PIC they might have a chance, but God help them if the bakery fucked up and sent cakes. You do not want to offend a pi-curious man by giving him cake.
BoN pulls out a hard fought win with pies or gets roflstomped in case of cake.
You probably don’t even care about the predictions. You’re here for the nicknames.
MATCH #4
CIRCLEJUKERS VS THE LAND BEFORE TIMERS
“Yet To Be Knighted” Sir Cle Jerk, “We All Have Crippling” Sadness, “Can’t Find The” CLITLER, “Saves Chips For A” lazyday, and “Yer A Memer” Swagrid
VS
“Pineapple Gobbler” j0ules, “That Sound When You Slip On Ice” Skwid, “One Letter From A Ban” chuckk, “Broken Caps Lock Button” YUNG ZEEF, “The Island Was The First Result On Google” Avalon, “Went To Harvard” Stanfordite, and “Not Quite Hammer Pants” PillowPants
As discussed before, TLBT have an innate ability to stop the opposing team’s timers. However, this actually plays to their disadvantage today because CJ juke on a schedule and get very upset when they can’t keep track of the time. CJ come out and win every round in which they play the blue balls, and I have the feeling they’re very blue balled already.
CJ win in seven games and release some pent up frustration.
MATCH #5
REKT ANGLES VS BOATY MCBOATFACE
“He’s A” Lumberjack “And That’s Okay”, 3.1 “Gigawatts” Thor, “Hashtag!” #!, Such”t”it, “Can’t Derail The” HYPETRAIN, “Spelling Was Not The” 11th Cmndmnt, and Al “9th Grade Field Trip” Chaperone
VS
“Playoff” tmmbl, “Father Of The Truxsphere” Koala King, “Peyton Manning’s Favorite Flavor” Papa John, “Kills With Poems” Poeticalto, whosagoodboy “You Are, Yes You Are!”, and “His Holiness, GOAT, The Man Your Mother Warned You About, Mr. Omnipotent, Tmmmbl’s Headache, Inmate #6942069, Chief White House Strategist, Currently Mining Bitcoins, Addicted To Juke Juice, Egocentric Extremist, Slap Me Harder, Leader Of The Phantom Thieves Of Heart, A Team Is Overrated, I Played Majors Once, Ajax’s Worst Nightmare, John Cena Aficionado, Fluent In l33t, Wordsmith, The Most Interesting Man In The World, Cum Guzzler, Gum Cuzzler, Survivor Of The Friendzone, Double Bubble Toil And Trouble, Too Hot To Handle, McLovin’s The Name Tagpro’s My Game, Stone Cold Killer, Kawaii In The Streets Senpai In The Sheets, Check Me Out On Twitter, Mrs. God’s Baby Boy, Oz As In The Wizard Of Oz Not Oh Zee For Fuck’s Sake Guys, Chicken Fucker, Stuck In NEUhusky’s Shadow, Committed Sudoku, The Fastest Fingers In The West, LMC’s Vintage Wine, Level 5 Biohazard, The Mad Milker Of Manitoba, Not Australian, Mental Asylum Escapee, Post-Op D To O, Ow Fuck I Just Slammed My Ankle Into My Table Oh God It Hurts, Fallen Angel, Trux Spy, Straight C Student, Starving Author, Future A$AP Clan Leader, Scourge Of The South, Bin Laden’s Body Double, Tagprofessor’s Daddy, I Just Fellated Myself With 50 Nicknames And You Read Them All” Oz God
BMB sweeps ‘cause I’m playing.
Hey, these are my shit predictions (shitdictions?), I make the rules.
submitted by ObeySaturnGod to NLTP [link] [comments]

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